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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Laura's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, February 13th, 2010
8:02 pm
myspace blog entries
Sunday, January 07, 2007

Carroll Lyn Driving School
I just tried to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau about my horrilbe experience with Carroll Lyn. I tried to file one right after having taken the course, but was unable to find exactly where to file said complaint. I had a ton of other things come up (school, kids, work, et cetera) and eventually let it slip my mind. I had intended on eventually doing it, but just found myself too busy with other things. Today though, I looked up the local BBB and tried to file a complaint while I was still thinking about it. I find the right area, get the information necessary to report them, and BAM! Hit with some kind of stupid "You must choose one of these options" things. My options? Impeded on my civil rights; dispute with private landlord over home/apartment; discremination. Where the fuck is the plain, old-fashioned "Just can't do their fucking job right" option?

You know it's bad when you leave a company literally grinding your teeth in anger. They had to be the most incompetant, underqualified assholes I've seen in just about any business. I paid $375 to be shit on. That's a month of groceries, 2/3 of my rent, a new wardrobe for this entire family... all things that money would have been better spent on. But no. I thought I was doing the right thing, trying to get my license after years of trying, and what do I get? Fucked over, that's what.
2:14 AM
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Thursday, January 04, 2007

Category: School, College, Greek
Started back at OU-L the other day. I don't know what to expect so far. I have Dr. Zhang again, and he's nice. I've also taken up a Intro-Bus Comp. class. James called me right in the middle of the class, and I didn't put the "Etiquette mode" on. It was embarrassing, but the teacher just made a quip about it, and carried on.

I'm disappointed only having 3 classes. By my estimates, I'd need to take 4 classes per semester, all pertaining to my "major" (I feel odd calling it that, since I'm not technically signed on as a CTCH major for now), and so far, I've only taken 3 classes per semester; I flunked one and there's one that doesn't count toward that degree.
10:55 PM
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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Current mood: bitchy
Category: School, College, Greek

OU sucks. The whole breaking a university up into six fucking campus sites DOES NOT WORK!

After going over the schedule of courses like 20 times in a month, I only just came up with a schedule. It's not a great one, but it'll do. I only got to take three classes, as all of the classes I had taken an interest in overlapped in time frames. There are seven days in the week, OU... USE THEM! It's like every damn class I was going to take was scheduled for Monday and Wednesday. Of course, like three classes overlapped the 9-11am slot, and there were virtually no classes for the 3-5 (that's on any given day of the week), so I got screwed out of being able to take extra classes, and I'm stuck with a two hour gap, just going to sit at the fucking campus, bored.

Then I got an email from the Span. prof. I asked one simple question, and she goes on an entire fucking tirade about how difficult the class is, and she's the only professor, blah blah blah. I said I didn't have any "FORMAL" teaching in spanish, not none at all. I picked up a good bit just from having neighbors from El Salvador and Mexico. My fiance hasn't spoken spanish since high school, and started picking it back up just from having a couple of hispanic co-workers. I was a fucking Latin student; that's one of the hardest fucking languages to learn... the HARDEST!!! If I can fucking learn some of that, what the hell makes her think Spanish is just damn near impossible!? She struck me as annoying. My sister had her when she was just a high school teacher, and I heard nothing good about her. She's probably the "Woe is me, whole weight of the class, whole weight of the world" types. That was the impression I got.

Josie made a comment about checking out Columbus State. If things don't get better ( like going to Athens), then I will consider her offer.

These broken up campus sites are fucking weak.
1:21 AM
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Saturday, December 30, 2006

OU-L Sucks
Current mood: bitchy
Category: School, College, Greek
I recently requested information regarding a spanish class and doing Prog. & Design online. Of course, OU offers virtually no online classes and evidently doesnt' care to utilize the internet at all. I emailed my guidance counselor to set up an appointment, which was never returned. I emailed the spanish instructor to figure out where to start, since there is no mention of the beginners course anywhere (which is a pre-requisite to elem. spanish), only to be sent an email stating that the address they have her listed under is wrong. Now, I'm being told I can't do a computer course online. I'm sure I don't need to lister to the instructor that much. If you did, everyone would be screwed, because nobody can understand him through his accent.

OU-L offers exactly jack-shit in the way of courses. It's almost all history, and the few things they do offer that could go toward a degree otherwise, are all jammed in together at the same time, so everything overlaps, or the classes are so spaced out in time, that it's just completely impractical to a person with kids and/or a job.

Now that I know I can't take Prog. & Design online, I'm going to have to find a new class to fill my schedule. Something worthless for a degree involving computers, I'm sure. More wasted time, more wasted money. Yay!
3:09 PM
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Friday, December 29, 2006

OU Schedule
Current mood: anxious
Category: School, College, Greek
In a week, school will be starting. I still have no schedule. I've tried emailing the faculty to see about getting online classes, or just to see how to get into classes that are required yet evidently don't exist (Spanish 111). One email was sent back, citing a false address, the other was promptly responded to, but without an answer regarding whether or not I can do the class online.

I've also emailed my advisor to no success. They're really on the ball at this place.

So far, I have a number of computer based classes lined up, but if I can't do an online course, I don't know what I'm going to do.
5:01 PM
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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Resident Evil 4 - Complete... Now, FFXI
Current mood: bored
Category: Games
I beat Resident Evil 4 last night. I'm a little disappointed it's over. Resident Evil 5 isn't due out for a year or two (2008). It's easily one of the most satisfying games I've played in a while. I was a bit pissed to learn that beating Krauser was much easier than I had imagined. I put way too much effort into it (and too much time).


I launched mines at him, threw 12 grenades at him, shot him in the head with a riot gun...nothing! The secret? You just fucking stab him to death! Like 10 slashes, and BAM! Done.

The final Boss (Saddler) was also pretty simple in comparison to a lot of the other shit you're put up against.

After a three month hiatus, James and I have returned to Gilgamesh. His friend that was a level 52 Paladin when we quit is now a 67. So, we'll have some decent help, as we're still in our lower 50's. I'm not quite feeling it now, since I've played so many gun/monster oriented games recently. I have a strong preference for that type of thing (House of the Dead anybody!).

I would strongly recommend RE 4!
7:38 PM
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Saturday, December 23, 2006

Resident Evil IV
Current mood: calm
Category: Games

I've been playing Resident Evil 4 for the last few days, on and off. I had the monster fight with Salazaar. I got my ass handed to me the first two times, but made some progress the next time. I found a strategy that kept me from killing Leon, but it took forever. About an hour into the fight, I really started taking him down; then it happened. It was nearly over, and the Game Cube just quits. I start freaking out, because I've just spent like an hour trying to fight off insect monsters while simultaneously trying to snipe Salazaar. Of course, I start checking things, to see what has come unplugged, or whatever, but no. Nothing was unplugged. James' sock was covering the fan on the system. I think it momentarily over-heated or something. I could smell that overly-warm electronic smell. I could be wrong, but meh. I of course cleared the area, waited a few minutes, and re-started the game.

This time I was much more aware of what I was doing, and what to aim for. It took me about 10 minutes the next time around.
1:39 AM
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Saturday, December 29th, 2007
4:19 am
A few things that have happened in recent months:

A court summons from Fairfield County arrived the day before my birthday. I'm being sued by Capital One. I'm still curious as to why they waited until a month after I moved out of Fairfield County to petition there. It's a pain in the ass having to get shit in on time from Muskingum County. I did send my response letters, and I'm dreading getting my court date or worse. They're trying to say I owe over $2k, and I'll be responsible for court fees, too (according to the supposed contract I signed, which I find questionable). They've still completely failed to show what exact amount I owe and how they came to that estimate. They won't show the charges they've applied and won't give me copies of the insurance policy I signed up for.

Transmission went on my car, again. $1600 to get the car fixed, the week before Christmas. If not for my mother's family and James' mother and her boyfriend, the kids wouldn't have had much of shit for the holidays. I just got them a tree like 4 days before the holiday, it's like 3' ft. and has little tiny bulbs and lights on it. I need to send cards of gratitude to her family, not just because of the boys, but for myself and sister as well. We were so fucking poor growing up. We grew up in a $280 a month, all utilities paid slum, and my parents still didn't have the money to take care of us. If not for my mother's family, there are times we would have gone without clothes, holiday and birthday gifts, food.... They've done so much for us over the years, and I need to let them know that I know that. I can't do anything for them, since I'm broke, but they should know that their help was appreciated, and that I know who took care of us growing up.

My father's parents sent guilt laden holiday cards to me. One for me, one for my mother, because they can't get the fucking point. My grandmother asked what her problem was, but I blew it off. I'm not fucking telling them shit. Every time I tell them or anybody in this family anything they don't like or want to hear, I'm deemed a liar and a bitch. Fuck them.

Current Mood: apathetic
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
6:29 pm
I received my grades via email. A 'C', 'C-', and an 'F'. I'm not happy about this. All of these fucking classes were based upon teacher evaluation rather than actual grading standards. What makes it worse is the two C's I received were from the same teacher, for art. I missed twice as many days in Desc. Drawing, turned in only half of the homework (since I rarely knew we had homework to begin with), and didn't get many grades much higher than a B-.

In stark contrast, I turned in just about everything that was assigned in Intro to Painting, and came to class just about every. I also used my time between classes ( 2 hours ) just to catch up on my paintings. Not that it helped, every fucking time I was "done" with something, he'd make me re-do it, thus making ALL but one painting ( my painting of choice ) late. I got not more than a few percentage points more in painting than I did drawing, despite all the extra effort. This prof. was seriously just pulling shit out of his ass. None of the comments he gave made all that much sense, and it seemed like the kids that tried the least and dicked off during class got the most reward. One fucking kid painted piano keys and shot it with a water-gun; it took him less than a day to paint, whereas it had taken everybody else several days, including taking their paintings home, and coming in between classes. To make things better, there was an art competition in the gallery. Seven cash prizes were awarded ( between $50 and $200 ), and this shit-head wins! It gets better. We don't have a final, we have a critique for the end of class. Our professor tells us to bring our rough draft ideas we had scribbled down to compare. What does "piano boy" bring? His t-shirt for the band Cursive, which has the exact same keys on it as the painting. This kid not only took less than a day to do his project, he fucking copied it damn near identically to the fucking t-shirt, and won $50. Even the teacher made the comment that he couldn't believe he fell for it.

Of course, that was just one of about four paintings that won, but truly didn't deserve it. Out of seven, three of those chosen were actually decent, the rest of the winners were pure bullshit! It's not like there weren't better pieces, they just chose the shittiest ones. It's like the second our art prof. asked these people to judge, they tried to tap into their inner art aficionado/dip-shit side. They were English and music professors for fuck's sake! Two people had chosen the winners, and they weren't even in the fucking art field!

People, art is BULLSHIT! It's usually less about our psychological state or social commentary than it is about aesthetics or the ability to create a new concept. That's why it's pretty much fucking impossible to really gauge a piece with a grade. It's going to vary from person to person when it comes to quality. I find it peculiar that the only person in the class that received consistent 'A's was the only person in the same age group as the prof. ( 60's ), when so many other people put in just as much effort and time (if not more!).

Current Mood: apathetic
Sunday, April 15th, 2007
12:21 am
I'm taking art courses this quarter, but can't say I'm thrilled. As usual, it's a subject of interest taught by a lackluster teacher/professor. He's nice, but repetitive as fuck, and wastes tons of time. We have almost three hours (and since I show up early, it's pretty much three hours for me), and he lectures for two of those hours. He's also strict on attendance policies, which annoys me deeply.

Taxes are due tomorrow, and I can't find my child support document. I still haven't filled out my FAFSA, which is upsetting. I don't know if I'll get anything back this year, since I didn't work AT ALL! That blows asshole.
I did pay tuition, so I could get a little return.

James has an interview coming up in a few days. It would be nice to get a new apartment. I can't fucking stand this shit-hole. He's not been too helpful in looking for a new place however, so I'm terrified he's going to try to stick here. You'd think after all the shit he's pulled and all the empty promises he's made, he'd do SOMETHING to make me happy, but no, still using me as usual. I did get $200 of the $500 he owes me back and without a fight this time! Last time I loaned out a large amount of money to him, he had his douche-bag roommate threaten me, after he specifically told me to come get it, then spent the night out of town, who knows where doing who knows what.

I fucking hate this "relationship". I just constantly feel let down, lied to, deceived, lied about (which he refuses to clear up), everybody is better looking than me, has a better personality than me, and is worth going out of the way for in general (as opposed to me).

I fucking hate being here, stuck with people I can't fucking stand; not being able to work, drive, go out... It's getting to me, and bad.

Current Mood: disappointed
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
10:26 pm
At this point, I'm pretty much sick and fucking tired of the people I once called "friends". I knew I shouldn't have expected much of any of them. These are the same stuck-up bitches that used to spread rumors about me "just because", these are the same whores that would show no interest in a guy what-so-ever...until I did; the same sluts that would hit on my boyfriends, the same nasty skanks that excluded me from everything, unless it involved someone needing to pay...then I was always invited, and you guessed it, I paid.

I've asked Josie and Nikki countless fucking times to come visit. They can make time for everything and everybody else, just not me. I've asked a minute favors, something I'd figure they'd be glad to do, considering the help I've extended over the years. Is it really that fucking difficult to send me the phone number I've requested in a fucking email, or myspace note!? That's all I've asked, that and a bit of companionship. But no, too difficult to do for the person that's done shit for them, and turned the other cheek when they so blatantly fucked me over.

I'm so fucking sick of dealing with James it's not funny. He can't say one good fucking word about me. I can't remember the last time he honestly made a comment about me being pretty or attractive, but he can throw it in my fucking face that he gets hit on by his "attractive" co-workers. He claims he tries to "make-up" for the shit he's put me through, but won't do the one fucking thing I ask of him. He's now claiming that he didn't cheat on my with that fucking skank. Evidently we were "On a break", so it toooooootally doesn't count that he lied about it and hid it from me when he did bang her, the night he left me. It also doesn't count that he only dumped me to fuck her, and expected that he could just come back, lie about it, hide it, practically make a fucking joke out of me, tell me I'm "fucking crazy" when I confronted him about it, turn the tables and accuse me of being the one that cheated since I was so "obsessed".

Oh, other things that don't count...the fact that he specifically said that those types of things were cheating when we first got together, which also included: emotional affairs (which he did), masturbation while thinking of someone you know (which he did), internet relationships (which he did), being "too friendly" to the opposite sex (which he is guilty of on multiple accounts). It's amazing, but he actually oggled Josie's friend in the delivery room after I had Raphael, couldn't stop staring at the bitch in the pet store, playing with girls' asses at the bar, and doing God knows what else. I'm only just now finding out that nights I THOUGHT he was at work or Ryan's, he was actually hanging out with some fucking 15-year-old girl named Abby. The fucking pervert won't grow the fuck up and realize he's 25, not 15. Of course, let's also not forget the fact that he couldn't make time for me, but he managed to be around all of these assholes. What!? You mean yet another person that "doesn't have time" for me, but spends countless hours around everybody else!? Surely you jest!

What's funnier is the stupid fuck thinks I should be "grateful" that he didn't treat me as badly as the "other people" in my life did. Only, wait.... I'm pretty sure he did the exact same things, only he lied, tried to hide them, and then expected thanks and gratitude for what incredibly little he's done for me; especially in comparison to what I've done for him.

Current Mood: pissed off
Friday, February 16th, 2007
6:14 am
James decided to pick up some ice cream last night, at 3 am. I was a bit so-so on the idea, since it's so icy out, but didn't say anything. I think he was partly just trying to get out, since we've been cooped up the last few days. So, he takes off, and about 20 minutes pass. I start to worry a little, because he's usually gone no longer than 15. The boys are awake, and start acting up. I'm already stressing because it's now been 45 minutes since he'd left, and I'm thinking horrible things at this point. I'm worried that he's skid into the stream we live by, which is now flooded from the rain, and frozen over from the snow. I get the baby to sleep, and get Gabriel bundled up to watch a movie as he falls asleep. At this point, an hour has passed, and still no James. Then, I hear the dogs barking (which is really irritating, because it was -2 degrees, and our redneck neighbors are leaving their fucking dogs out. HELLO! It's a fur coat, not a fucking gas furnace...IT'S COLD! GET YOUR DOGS IN!!!), I hear someone coming up the stairs, and get to the kitchen just in time to see James at the door. He comes in and informs me of the good news.

The wheel on our car is fucked. He spent an hour outside in the cold trying to fix it by himself. He said he was really disappointed, because a bunch of people passed by with no offer of help from anyone but one old man that worked at Kroger. He said he offered to help, and told him there was coffee inside. So, after screwing with the car for a bit, he decides to go in to warm up and call me. He said he pumped $2 worth of quarters into the phone, and not once did the call go through, nor would it return his change. Then, he tries to get coffee, only to have the machine eat the first $0.50 he put into the stupid thing. So, $2.00 wasted on a call that didn't get placed and another $1.00 on coffee. What made it worse, was he thought it would be a quick to and from trip (Kroger is less than five minutes away), so he didn't bother bundling up; no hat, no socks, no gloves.

Long story short, we took the car in today, and had to shell out another $90 to have it fixed, and $40 to have it towed to the garage. That's $500 I've pumped into it this month.

Current Mood: irritated
Sunday, February 11th, 2007
9:11 pm
Ok, I know my friends have their own lives and shit to do, but seriously, this is just out of hand.

I've contacted Nikki I don't know how many times over the last couple of years, and every fucking time she manages to blow me off. I had added her to my myspace page, only to delete her, because she never responds, never writes, and always blows me off. So, I get a message from her saying that she basically can't believe I deleted her. I explain that I just thought she didn't like speaking to me anymore, because she never gets in touch with me. She sends a note back saying she likes talking to me (smiley face and everything) and we add each other back to our friends list. She sends me a message saying we should get the kids together to play/hang-out, and we set up a day. She says she'll call me and we'll meet up. Tuesday rolls around, no call. I haven't heard from her since, and it's been a month.

Josie adds me to her myspace page after she sees me on Nikki's list, and we start chit-chatting. I've asked her if she wants to hang-out a couple of times, to which of course the answer is "No, busy.", despite the fact she constantly hangs out with Melanie. Not too busy for Melanie, but can never seem to find the time for me, and the last time I saw her was when she paid a surprise visit, about a month ago. I've also asked a small favor of her, to which she still has yet to respond. I asked her a month or two ago if she could mail me a metro housing application for me, since she lives across the street from it. Nearly two months later, it still hasn't happened. I've messaged her a few times about it, and I just messaged her again a night or two ago. I again asked that she either have one sent to me, or that she simply give me the address/phone number to the place, so I can request one myself. Shouldn't be too hard, since I'm sure she has some form of document lying around her place, since she's receiving help from them. She's been on, she's changed her pic, messaged people I'm sure, but no response. I can't find any info for it on-line, because too many fraud/mortgage places try to get their shit up there, so I don't know who to trust with personal info (which I also explained to her).

I'm pretty sick of living with James at this point. I feel so depressed about the whole situation. If he put nearly as much effort into fucking me as he has the other bitches he has/has tried to fuck, we'd be great! But no, I have an asshole for a boyfriend that finds video games and pointless on-line news stories to be more worthwhile than fucking me. I feel so repulsed by him now. It's just upsetting. I need to get the fuck out of this place.

Of course, on that note, it would still be hard as fuck, because I still have no license. Why you ask!? Because every fucking family member or friend I have asked to help me, has bailed. I've been rejected by Keri, my grandfather, my father, Kelly, Matthew, James and a few others. Of course, the first three in that list all helped my sister. Does it matter that I asked? Does it matter that I was interested and that Tonya dragged her ass all the way!? NO SIR! NOT IN MY FAMILY!

I DID pay $375 to go to driver's ed. I honestly thought it would help, and that I was doing the right thing. Being independent, not asking my family for anymore help since they weren't interested in offering any, and what did I get!? NOTHING! NOT A FUCKING THING! Robbed of my money, that's about it. In what world is it cute or funny to run a red light, but it's potentially fatal if I scuff the curb. Not drive over the curb, not bump or slam into the curb, but SCUFF the curb...as in I BRUSHED UP AGAINST IT, at less than 2 mph at a near complete stop no-less.


Current Mood: disappointed
Sunday, February 4th, 2007
10:17 pm
Earthsday 18:45
New Moon 7%
Wildgrass Seed/Brass Pot

Trying to cultivate Cupid Worms. Those stupid things are going for 25k on the AH.

On another note, James took me to the Asian Buffet today. It was nice, except for the fact that as soon as I ate some of the low quality sushi, I became instantly ill. He also bought me sushi last night, since I was pretty pissed off. I feel kind of bad about it now, but frankly, at the time I was pissed as fuck. He went to a LAN party with some dick that basically called me a bitch in LS chat (which James naively tried to cover), despite the fact he's never met me. I called James on it, and he admitted (reluctantly) that he had said a few less than positive things about me. Either way, he chose a LAN party with a guy that was a complete ass to me, and over our anniversary, no less. He can't understand why I'm so pissed about that, but we've been together for three years, and the last two anniversaries were spent a) with him chasing Skank-tard and b)dumping me last year (and I mean ON our anniversary).

We also haven't done anything for Valentine's Day, which makes me just plain sad. I know, it's tacky, but I do adore Valentine's Day. I was always the ugly, unpopular girl, and I always just kind of fantasized that I'd have a sweet boyfriend that would celebrate that day with me as a gesture of love. Instead, I have an asshat boyfriend that told me that "Valentine's Day is just another excuse for women to suck money out of men's wallets." That's bullshit, the last three I've bought him at least something small, despite my utter lack of money. It also pisses me off that he's done or planned things with past girlfriends for Valentine's Day, and not me. He's been with me longer than half those bitches combined.

I've been with a guy 6/8 of the last Valentine's Days, and not once have I been able to celebrate it. It really sucks because I do just adore it (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day are the only holidays worth while in my opinion.). Of course, if he did bother now, it just wouldn't be the same. It's not like he'd be doing it on his own accord; it'd just be because I bitched about it.

Ugh, the holidays just fucking suck. I don't get to celebrate the way I'd like to, and nobody else gets as enthused about the ones I do like. *Le sigh*

Current Mood: stressed
Thursday, January 11th, 2007
6:35 am
According to my credit report, I owe $3,090 to various companies. $3,500 if you include the two bogus claims. So, only about $1,800-$2,500 more than I spent. Fucking interest, and bogus charges (yeah, I'm pretty sure they're also adding bogus stuff, they absolutely refuse to send me a copy of the charges).

I don't know what to do at this point. These people are damn near impossible to work with. When I did have money to pay them, they absolutely refused to co-operate, but the second I told them I lost my job, I couldn't get away from the calls/letters. It's almost like they just WANT to prolong it. I've considered a consolidation company for help, but anymore you don't know who you can turn to for help.

I can't let it go for now, the interest is literally climbing by the hundreds every couple of months, and that's just one card. I can't get a job either at this moment, because of school and the kids. Not to mention, I've applied at just about everything in Lancaster (sans food places), and NOBODY has shown interest. Not the slightest bit. I have no fucking clue as to what I'm doing wrong. I've considered my personality, but they don't interview me, so how would they know? I've considered my applications, but I always make them neat, legible, and accurate. There have been no inquiries by any employer, it doesn't list any on my report. I dress normal, and I'm clean. I just don't get it.

Half the kids you see working in Lancaster are slackers, with piercings, tatts, wild hair, (all too often) not clean, have bad attitudes, have flighty work histories (more so than mine), and have a general disregard for their work/co-workers/bosses.

I have experience, I'm going to school, I'm clean, and I'm always friendly to customers (no matter how much they annoy me). WTF!?

Current Mood: blah
Tuesday, January 9th, 2007
9:10 pm
I hate eating out anywhere in this city. We have the most incompetant employees in this town, and if the service is decent, the food is just bad. Too often, it's a mix of bad food and bad service. James got sick from eating Taco Bell the other day. The staff was rude, fucked up our order like 3 times, and gave us old food.

I just ordered Alfredo from Grinder's thinking I wouldn't be disappointed, since they usually have good food and service. I was wrong. Alfredo should be creamy, not slimy. The sauce was slimy and flavorless. It looked like someone just beat-off into a bowl of pasta. I am so fucking pissed, and repulsed. Of course, I picked up two orders, one for myself and one for the boys. I can't force myself to eat it, and I certainly won't subject them to it. That was $15 down the drain, but I hardly have shit for groceries, and I forgot to thaw the chicken. I can't stand wasting money on shit.

On another note, I shelled out $10 to buy a copy of my credit report. Macy's is claiming I still owe them $369 and there's a collector on there that claims I owe Fairfield Imaging $129. Both are bullshit claims, so I had to file a dispute. My current address was also wrong. They have my current address, but for some reason they still have me listed at Lake St. So three things wrong with my credit report. My payment was received by Victoria's Secret, so that's good. I was afraid they wouldn't get it, since I forgot to add my return address on an envelop containing a $300ish payment.

So, today I lost about $20.

Now, I'm looking to lose like $100 at Victoria's Secret (time to update undies), and I'm looking for a nice, portable form of entertainment for those 2-4 hours stretches between classes. It sucks that this campus has no gym. That would be great, but no... they wasted good money on a new front entrance. And I mean a lot of money wasted on a fucking door.

Current Mood: pissed off
Sunday, January 7th, 2007
10:18 pm
Disbursement Check
I received my loan disbursement check from OU, yesterday. For the second time the numbers don't add up. They claim they owe me like $32 less than what I should be awarded. That doesn't sound like much, but four times a year, times four years = $512. These are loans. That's money that I won't be receiving; $512 I won't get and $512 I WILL have to pay back. That kind of money can do a lot of shit.

Another great upper... No hot water. I didn't get to take a shower last night, and I feel gross as fuck now. I'm not happy about this. I have school tomorrow. I don't feel like going somewhere for 8 hours and being a skank.

My kid also broke the temple piece on James eyeglasses. If they're titanium (which I think they are), it'll cost me $65 to have them fixed. I told him not to put them in my fucking drawer, that he should put them in the cabinet above our bed, since he hardly uses them (try like 10 times in the last year). I'm not entirely sure that he has the right prescription either. It took him a year to buy those glasses after his initial check-up, during which time he complained about his sight getting WORSE. I always get the smart ones.

I won't mention it to him, just to see how long it takes him to notice. I get so sick of the fact that he doesn't take care of his shit properly, despite my NUMEROUS warnings. I can't think of how many times I was like "Put them somewhere else, he'll get them." Of course, I'm not entirely sure Raphael broke them on his own. They were already severely bent, which he claims Raphael did. However, I seem to recall him placing his UNPROTECTED eyeglasses in his coat pocket a number of times.... then throwing his coat on the: floor, couch, chair, bed, and a great number of other places which most people wouldn't keep a $300 pair of glasses. Fucking idiot.

Current Mood: bitchy
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
4:23 pm
Holiday and Games
James resubscribed to FFXI, but I'm not feeling too interested since playing UT and Resident Evil 4; I'm in a gun mood. And speaking of RE4, I beat it last night. Clocked in at twenty-seven hours and twenty-seven minutes.

Christmas was boring and uneventful, for the most part that is. I had reminded James to call his mother for a month, which of course he conveniently "forgot" when she showed up at our house the day before Christmas unannounced (which annoys the shit out of me). Of course he then blew our previous plans for going out there. I don't like being in that house. They have an annoying dogs and can't stop smoking for five minutes. Not to mention the issues I have with his mother. He avoided introducing me to her until nearly two years of our being "together", during which time she brought up his little "crush" on skank-tard, tried to hook him up with some Korean bitch, and evidently had some issue with my having kids.

Of course there's also the fact that she went out of her way to purchase a $75 gift for his girlfriend of five months, but I got a rosary and a cheap watch. By the way, no I'm not Christian, and certainly not Catholic. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree though. He also bought said girlfriend a fucking $200 ring, which she kept after they broke-up. I deal with infidelity, lying, and general flakiness, and I'm informed that if we break up, he gets the ring back.

So, my Christmas gifts consisted of junk food from my mother, $20 from my sister, some RvB DVDs from James, and an annoying card from my grandparents.

I still need to get gifts for people.

Current Mood: unimpressed
Saturday, December 9th, 2006
5:05 pm
2 years and counting
I've been with James since February 10, 2004. It's been close to three years, and I've noticed something. For the nearly three years we've been together, we've had one picture of ourselves taken together, and he threw it away when he ditched me for skank-bag. Funny, he kept all of his pictures of girlfriends from his past while he has been with me, but one fucking picture of us, and it's torched. There's a pic of his girlfriend before me (not to be confused with any of the girlfriends he's had since me)in his lj, and they dated shy of 6 months. Another funny thing about that; he bought her a fucking ring, and allowed her to keep it. It took him two years to buy me a ring, and he's made it clear that if we break-up, it's his. Despite all of the money I've spent on him, which she evidently never spent a dime on him, she gets the privilege of keeping shit he gave her.

This brings me to another point. After several months of not touching my journals at all (and making far too much effort to check out skank-bag's), he drops a few comments, seemingly out of nowhere. This immediately makes me suspicious, so I check his friends list on myspace, and BAM! Another one of those teenage douche-bags he used to flirt with...nice! I knew he wouldn't bother touching anything of mine unless it involved him doing something I disapproved of, just to keep my attention at bay. I'm not fucking stupid, I know him better than he knows himself! So, after months of not giving the least bit of interest to my shit, he leaves a series of completely fucking pointless messages, including: "Die, bitch!" (UT reference) "Even your son knows you're a dork.", and "I hate animated backgrounds." Nice touch ass-hole. Great that you can leave long-winded, heartfelt rants to your little skank-bag sweet-heart, but drop loads of incompetent bull-shit on me. Great! Thanks for nothing ass-hole.

Current Mood: disappointed
Thursday, November 30th, 2006
6:31 pm
New Layout
I just picked up a new layout at hotfreelayouts.com

It's amazing how many talented artists there are in this world and the internet is only driving that home for me. I'm considering an art course in college, but I think "What the fuck am I going to do with art!?" Look at what there is to compete against. I feel so mediocre in comparison. I lack the skills, the ideas, and most importantly I'm just afraid. I start out with something, get it to looking half-decent, then become terrified to finish my idea because I'm terrified I'll ruin the semi-acceptable piece I do have. For all the art classes I've taken, for all the pieces I've done, I think I could honestly say I've only done one or two paintings or drawings that I've liked. My friends liked my work, but I was the only one in my group that made a serious effort toward art classes most of the time, so that appreciation was more of a default thing. Melanie was the main one that took interest, she practically had an art gallery in her room at one point.

It's just confusing. I feel so inspired, yet so intimidated when I look at all of these talented people and their work. I worry that I won't think of any original ideas or worry that the more original ideas I have will scare people or make them think less of me. I'm not a bad person, I just have an over-active imagination, and a desperate fear of this world. Often the images I do see in my head are either the whimsical images of fantasy practically spoon-fed to all girls from the time of pre-school (which makes me feel unoriginal) or I have the darker images I conjur up from my own fears, which I'm just afraid will cause people to misperceive me.

I'd also like to learn how to work more with computer generated images. Some of the most beautiful and interesting designs I've seen have been created with a computer. I also wouldn't mind picking up some lite photograpy, for the sake of using it in computer generated images.

Current Mood: blah
Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
12:57 pm
Campers (singing): Eat us, hey! It's Thanksgiving Day! Eat us! We make a nice buffet! We lost the race with Farmer Ed, so eat us, because we're good and dead! White man or red man, from east, north, or south, chop off our legs, and put 'em in your mouth.

Turkey: Eat me!

Campers (singing): Sauted or barbequed!

Turkey: Eat me!

Campers (singing): We once were pets, but now we're food! We won't stay fresh for very long, so eat us before we finish this song! Eat us before we finish this song!
Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
11:09 pm
James "forgot" my birthday the first year we were together, but remembered to buy his "friend" shit for her birthday. The next year he kissed my ass for pissing me off so bad. This year, he fucking "forgot" when my birthday was, again. Evidently all of the girls that are important to him get there shit prioritized; one ex's birthday was his fucking bank PIN.

Ok, so now he's talking about what to do for my birthday, and as usual what I feel like doesn't matter. Just like the engagement ring that I didn't like, but had to take anyway because HE wanted me to wear something "traditional". Traditional just means old or ugly, in my book. Another example would be how I pay for every-fucking-thing in this house, and yet I always get suckered into getting whatever he wants, just to make him shut-the-fuck-up! We always watch what he wants to watch, and when it's time for bed, he gets to keep the television on, because HE likes it. Does it matter that it bugs the shit out of me? NO!

Basically, the point is he dominates EVERYTHING... and I'm fucking sick of it. Being dirt-poor sucks. If I could afford it, I'd get my own house. I'm so fucking sick of being told what to do by everyone, especially when it doesn't make sense for jack-shit, or involves me busting my ass while they sit on theirs. I'm tired of doing all the housework. I have been for the last 14 years of my life. I don't think most people know what it's like to have to clean up after a dirty-ass pack-rat, a pig, and an asswipe sibling that does nothing but sit on his/her ass only to claim the credit for everything you've done.

I can't fucking stand people.

Current Mood: bitter
Sunday, November 19th, 2006
8:45 pm
Mmm... Radioactive cookies
Everybody's birthday, Christmas and Thanksgiving are coming up and we're losing money out-the-ass. James got a nice big ticket the other day ($100) and my microwave just blew up. I was melting chocolate chips and BAM! Smoke out the front, smoke out the back.... It scared the shit out of me.

Current Mood: pissy
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
12:44 am
I took my final exams for English and Intro to Computers yesterday. I received a nice big A on the computer exam (I got a 102%). My grade for that class was a 95%, which could have been perfect had I a) not forgotten to turn in an assignment and b) not turned in an assignment late. I'm unsure of how I did on the English exam. I did speak to my professor afterward, and he was giving me advice and the what-not. The professors there have been awesome. I did bomb math, but I have a better grasp on where I went wrong.

Winter Intersession is in progress, for me. I have to get a new schedule lined up, which has been difficult. All the classes I'm looking at taking overlap on the schedule or are too late in the evening for me to attend.

My birthday was the 11th; I'm 24 now. My sister turned 21 on the 15th. She came to town to celebrate her birthday with my aunt, uncle, and grandfather. We all have birthdays within a 3 week period. She took me to lunch for my birthday and bought the kids some stuff; I bought her a celebratory, "legal-age" vodka gift-set (it came w/ a metal drink-mixer). Another nifty thing about my birthday... Paying $55 for a #&!$ing sticker. Stupid tags; I guess people don't spend enough money for a car, they have to tack that on, too.

Current Mood: bored
Friday, October 20th, 2006
10:50 pm
All of Ohio ISN'T like Lancaster... Well, fuck!
James got a new job, in Pickerington. Until we started going up there, I had assumed that Ohio was just like Lancaster everywhere, but that's not the case. Pickerington is fucking NICE! The wages are higher there, and the majority of workers we've encountered have been nothing less than helpful. It's a stark contrast to this bumpkin shit-hole. If I was bitter before about being here, I'm now just fucking pissed. They have the best shit up there. They have nice coffee/tea houses, asian restaurants, strip malls galore! I get a little sad coming back to Lancaster.

In other news, I'm tanking math. I skip math now, and go to the library to study. It's bad enough to not remember what you're doing already, but it's too much to deal with the guy piling more and more shit on you when you're still clueless about the basics. I need to distance myself and study it on my own. I checked out a couple of books to help, but got nothing. Then, as I'm reading through my math book one day, I notice the first 2 chapters focus on certain difficulties most students have. It described just about every problem I have been having. Of course, these are also the only fucking chapters he bothered to skip. I don't like being bitter about it, he's a nice guy... but nice doesn't cut it when you're trying to teach someone. I needed those chapters, and they were overlooked, and not mentioned, and now my grades are suffering. The class is test based, and we have one fucking test left before the finals, which is only worth x2 the amount of the normal tests, of which 4 are given. So, I'm fucked.

Current Mood: annoyed
Friday, September 29th, 2006
8:37 pm
James lost his job at McDonald's a week ago. His manager fucked him over on something she told him was ok, from the first week he worked there. It was technically his fault, and I had warned him, but nothing can be done now. The GM at that place is a real no-balls manager, so I think he set James up, despite telling him he would be getting on a lot of other people about the same behavior, including firing several workers. I doubt it. It was probably an excuse to get him out of there, to shut the rest of the managers the fuck up. A lot of people didn't like him there, he was doing too well. I'm just glad he doesn't work with those asshats now.

Speaking of work, I'm starting to feel "bleh" about not having a job. I'd just like to have some real money. Being poor sucks, and I've done it all my life, so it's getting to me.

School is sucking. I don't understand my Comp. Tech professor half the time. I don't get it. I can hear through his accent, and I get what he's saying about the computers... I don't seem to get him though. I keep turning assignments in late, because I think he's saying it's due the NEXT week, and it's not, it's due the next class. I've been sucking at math, which is the worst class for me. It's not only the I suck at it that gets me, it's that I was the top student in my class in previous math classes, and now I'm doing the same shit, and having a hard time. My brain rejects intelligent thought. I feel so "duuurrr" all the time. Ugh!

Current Mood: hungry
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